Practicing Honor, Day by Day—Returning

It has been months since I have written for this project.

Life has been spinning around me and for many reasons I have not taken time to sit and write.

I began this journey almost a year ago.

At the start, I stated that I was writing from a deficit of honor in my life.

I was not giving honor as I should, nor was I the recipient of honor in many areas of life.

I stated then and I reiterate now, I do not write about honor because I have obtained it or because my family has “arrived” in this area.

I write about honor because I need to grow and become more like Jesus in this area.

The main reason I stopped writing is because the voices (human and otherwise) have been screaming at me.

”You're not worthy.”

”You’re not good enough.”

“People who like you do not really know you.”

”Your family would be better off without you.”

”You make people miserable.”

”You are not a good mom.”

”You are not a good wife.”

“You are ugly.”

”You are worthless.”

Paul spoke of a thorn in His flesh, something that would not relent, “Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-8 (NIV)

Sometimes I wonder if the voices, the doubts, the insecurities are my thorn.

Will I always struggle with feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy? 

Will I also assume people do not want me around?

Will I always ache with the longing to be loved, accepted and wanted?

I don’t know.

As I talk to others, especially women, I find that most of us struggle in this way.

Most of us feel that we are failing.

Today, I am coming back.

I am putting up a fight.

I am digging into God’s word and finding the truth of who He is and who I am in Him.

I will not lay down and die.

I will not give in.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.  Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14 (NIV)

Heavenly Father, I am choosing to run to Your open arms today. You are the One I can depend upon. You are the only One who is worthy of my devotion, my attention, my passion and my trust. I thank You for being faithful and for standing with me in the raging storms of life. I know that You will always be with me, through life and death. Help me to love myself as You love me. Help me to see myself through Your eyes. Help me to believe you and to take You at Your word. I put all of my hope and trust in You, for You alone are worthy.