{I wrote this piece for my personal/family blog, and wanted to share it here. The pursuit of peace goes hand in hand with learning to honor God, ourselves and others.}
For most of my life, I have longed for something. More days than not, the desired “something” has eluded me. I dreamed of it. I envied others who had it. I prayed for it. I read scriptures about it. I sang songs about it. I did my best to conjure it up. Still, I yearned…
Peace.
Peace like a river. Peace that passes understanding. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control.
Many things that happened around me were completely out of my control. Other times, I brought my own chaos and confusion. Circumstances, situations, relationships. Add to the mix that I am a very emotional person and I feel things intensely. I feel my own pain as well as the pain of others around me. Every single day.
Several months ago, I began praying for a peaceful Christmas. That is not a small prayer, as most of my Christmas memories from childhood and beyond have been filled with strife. I didn’t want a gift wrapped under the tree. I didn’t wish for fancy decorations or five course holiday feasts. I simply wanted peace. Calm. Stillness. Time with my four guys, under our roof, within our four walls, with our puppy.
I am so grateful to be able to say that I was given the gift of peace for Christmas. And, for most of the days since. Even when sickness showed up at our house and stayed for nearly three weeks, there was peace. I cannot think of a season of our lives when we’ve had almost a month of peace. There have been many challenges during these weeks, especially the lingering sickness, but peace has remained. A welcome guest, a wanted friend. Peace.
I believe this peace is a gift from God, our Father. I trust that He knew that we needed to breathe a bit. And, I know that we are making some very deliberate choices which welcome and usher peace into our lives.
1, BE PEACEFUL.
“If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” Romans 12:18
This verse offers not one, but two, conditions. IF it is possible….AS MUCH AS IT DEPENDS UPON YOU. Paul knew that there would be times when peace would be elusive. It takes two willing parties to have a loving, honoring, and respectful relationship. We do what we can, by His grace, but there will be times that we need to just walk away. Our hearts may ache, guilt may drive us back, but there are relationships that will never be safe and it’s OK to put space between ourselves and the ones who hurt us. We must forgive, as He has forgiven us, but we do not need to subject ourselves to abusive and toxic people. We can use the wisdom of experience to say, “Enough it enough,” set healthy boundaries and make new and happy memories for ourselves and our children.
There are so many situations where I can bite my tongue, walk away and choose to be the “bigger person.” I do not need to retaliate or defend myself. I can trust my Father to cover me. He knows my heart and He is my defender.
2. BE STILL
“Be still, and know that I am God;” Psalm 46:10
We must be still. We must rest. We must get away from the noise, the clamor, the hurried and harried pace that our culture, and even the church, has elevated above God Himself. Busyness is one of the enemy’s favorite tactics to keep us from having rightful relationships with God and others. We may as well say, “Here’s another notch in my belt,” or “I climbed another rung in my ladder” when we say “I’m so, so busy!” Many families rarely sit down to eat a meal together. Sports schedules have taken the place of family time, church services and youth group activities. Ballet, karate, travel ball and other extra curricular activities eat up precious financial resources and time. I am not suggesting that these things, in and of themselves, are wrong. But, there are times we need to take a long, hard look at the things that consume us and ask some questions. “Does this commitment honor God and those in my family? What is the eternal reward of this? What is the benefit of this? What toil does this take on my family? Do we have the money for this? Do we have the time for this? Will this bring us closer together or tear us apart?”
We need to learn to do one or two things well, rather than have our hands in so many things that we constantly feel like we are letting someone down (Yes, I am writing this to myself right now!). I find myself reevaluating commitments often. I tend to see a need, see the lack of anyone filing the need, become filled with guilt over the need, and I get in over my head. I find myself drowning in a sea of to do lists and I end up lashing out on the very ones I was actually called to serve. My family. The ones under my roof. Years ago, I determined that I would rather under commit and over deliver than over commit and under deliver. Father, find me faithful.
I must be still. I must. I require 8-10 hours of sleep at night to be able to function throughout the day. That is a given for me. I must have more days at home each week than not. I delight in having two hours of quiet time in the middle of the day, so I send my boys to their rooms to read or rest and the entire house is silent. Still. Calm. Peaceful. When we come back together, we like each other again. We are refreshed and want to spend the evening together.
We are home at least 20 hours in a day. We choose to be home five days out of most weeks. We live together, learn together, work together, cook together, and clean together. We invite friends and family to our home several times a week. When given the option to go out and “do something,” most of the time we say, “No, I’d rather just stay home.” Some may think that is weird, but I think it means that home is becoming a safe place and we want to be here. When we built our addition, I had a vision for a garden room. My husband worked for over a year and a half to add on to our home and the result is a space that soothes us, welcomes others and evokes tranquility. I thank God and Darrel for this gift every day.
I’ve “done my time” running from meeting to meeting, signing up for one “ministry” after another. Most of the things I invested my time in did not bring forth fruit. They made me tired and edgy. My reasons for doing many of those things was to be “in the in crowd” or “in the know.” I wanted to please people and I wanted to climb some invisible, churchy ladder. I missed out on countless nightly routines and tucking my babies into bed. Those years are gone. I cannot get them back.
The verse says, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Would it stand to reason that when we are not still, when we are rushed and harried and frantic, that we really loose our grasp of reality? We forget who He is. And, we miss the ones who are right in front of us, the very ones He entrusted to our care.
3. BE CONTENT
“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content.” Philippians 4:11-13
I believe that peace and contentment are close companions. You can’t have one without the other. When we are pursuing eternal treasures and not chasing after temporal ones, there will be a pairing of peace and contentment. Life will be full of unplanned and unwelcomed situations, but we can choose to be rooted in Him and not let those things shake us or break us.
Contentment can be associated with material possessions, but it can also be wrapped up in relational status, cooperate success, ministry titles, family size and so much more. What is that next thing that I am chasing after and that leads me to believe, “I will be happy when….” or “I will finally be satisfied if…?” For me, it has been relational pain. “I will be at peace when things are OK between me and…” I am slowly learning that I can still experience peace and contentment, even if those relationships are not perfect.
PURSUE PEACE
What is robbing us of peace today? Are we frenzied and stressed, chasing after things that do not bring fulfillment? Are we trying to please others, at the expense of our own families? Are we drooling over the latest and greatest electronics, designer clothes or a fancy house that our friend lives in? I long for peace…for you. For me. For all.
I believe peace is knocking on the doors of our weary hearts, beckoning. “I want to come in. I want to fill you. I want to meet you. I want to soothe you.” Will we open that door? Will we embrace peace? Will we shove out some other very ugly and unwanted things so that peace can have a place to dwell?
